VICARIOUS™
Domestic Violence Behind Closed Doors™
A Trauma‑Informed Digital Experience Created by a Survivor, for Survivors

Official Facilitator Guide

Comprehensive Framework for Safe, Ethical, and Empowering Domestic Violence Simulations

This facilitator guide is built to support safe, ethical, and empowering facilitation across domestic violence agencies, shelters, and outreach programs. Every element of the VICARIOUS™ framework is rooted in the uncompromising reality of lived experience, designed to honor survivor autonomy above all else.

Created by survivor Toy Burks for survivors, this resource provides the structured scaffolding needed to guide participants through difficult simulations with deep compassion, clear boundaries, and unwavering professional responsibility.

Origin Statement

By a Survivor, For Survivors

"We do not guess at the dynamics of control. We build our tools from the floor up, prioritizing absolute dignity and emotional safety."

— Toy Burks, Founder
Audience Scope

Who This Guide Is For

Designed specifically for professionals operating within the domestic violence and trauma support sector.

DV Advocates

Frontline support personnel guiding immediate survivor navigation.

Shelter Staff

Residential workers establishing secure, trauma-informed housing environments.

Safehouse Coordinators

Operations managers maintaining confidentiality and physical security.

Outreach Workers

Community engagement specialists delivering rapid response education.

Case Managers

Long-term planning coordinators supporting survivor self-sufficiency.

Social Workers

Licensed clinical and structural support practitioners.

Trauma-Informed Instructors

Educators facilitating specialized professional training programs.

Community Educators

Public awareness advocates presenting to diverse institutional groups.

DV Prevention Specialists

Systemic intervention and policy strategists.

Program Foundation

Purpose of the Program

Domestic Violence Behind Closed Doors is built with explicit core objectives designed to elevate awareness and protect agency standards.

01

Increase DV Awareness

Expose the subtle, non-physical mechanics of coercive control, isolation, and psychological manipulation that often remain hidden behind closed doors.

CORE DIRECTIVE // AWARENESS
02

Support Healing & Empowerment

Center survivor agency by validating internal resilience, rejecting shame-based narratives, and reinforcing self-determination at every juncture.

CORE DIRECTIVE // HEALING
03

Structured Facilitation

Provide realistic, relatable scenarios accompanied by a safe, structured methodology for facilitators to navigate complex emotional discussions without harm.

CORE DIRECTIVE // STRUCTURE
Boundaries & Duty

The Facilitator Role

Facilitating trauma-informed simulations requires absolute clarity of purpose. You are an anchor, a guide, and a stabilizing presence—not a therapist or an investigator.

Critical Boundary Clarification

Facilitators do not diagnose, psychoanalyze, interrogate, or push for disclosures. Your mandate is to maintain container safety, normalize emotional responses, and facilitate structured reflection.

Core Facilitator Mandates

  • Create a safe, predictable physical and psychological environment.
  • Guide participants steadily through the simulation process.
  • Normalize complex emotional reactions without pathologizing.
  • Encourage reflection without judgment or correction.
  • Reinforce absolute empowerment and personal safety choices.
  • Provide tangible grounding tools and immediate stabilization techniques.
  • Connect participants seamlessly to professional support resources when needed.
Environmental Setup

Preparing the Space

Safety begins before anyone enters the room. Establish physical, emotional, and systemic safety protocols.

Subsection 01

Physical Space

  • Quiet, private, and comfortable environment
  • Soft lighting options to reduce sensory strain
  • Tissues and fresh water readily available
  • Tactile grounding objects placed within reach
ENVIRONMENTAL SAFETY
Subsection 02

Emotional Space

  • Normalize taking breaks without penalty
  • Validate all surfacing feelings completely
  • Reinforce total participant autonomy
  • Maintain an atmosphere free of judgment
PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY
Subsection 03

Safety Considerations

  • Never force participation or engagement
  • Avoid pressuring personal disclosures
  • Watch vigilantly for trauma triggers
  • Have agency crisis protocols ready
RISK MITIGATION
Delivery Methods

Facilitation Formats

Explore the four primary ways facilitators can deliver the VICARIOUS™ simulation depending on participant needs and setting.

Format A

Group‑Guided Simulation (All Together)

The facilitator guides the group through each scenario collectively. Participants discuss reactions, choices, and insights as a shared experience.

Best for:
  • DV psychoeducation groups
  • Shelter community meetings
  • Advocacy workshops
  • Prevention and awareness classes
COLLECTIVE ENGAGEMENT
Format B

Group Simulation with Individual Participation

Participants complete the simulation individually on their own devices while the facilitator oversees the group. Afterward, the group processes the experience together.

Best for:
  • Mixed‑experience groups
  • Larger DV education sessions
  • Trauma‑informed empowerment groups
HYBRID AUTONOMY
Format C

1:1 Simulation (Individual Session)

The facilitator and participant complete the simulation together during a one‑on‑one session.

Best for:
  • Individual advocacy
  • Case management
  • Counseling or therapeutic support
  • Safety planning conversations
DIRECT MENTORSHIP
Format D

Remote / Virtual Facilitation

The simulation can be delivered remotely through Zoom, telehealth platforms, virtual DV support groups, and remote shelter programming.

Delivery Channels:
Zoom
Telehealth
Virtual Support
Remote Shelter
Facilitators should ensure:
  • Privacy
  • Stable connection
  • Clear instructions
  • Emotional safety check‑ins
VIRTUAL CONTAINER
Trauma-Informed Scripting

Introducing the Simulation

Before launching the experience, facilitators must set clear, trauma-informed expectations to ensure participants feel entirely secure and sovereign over their participation.

Absolute Autonomy

Participants are completely in control. They can pause, step away, or stop the simulation at any time without explanation.

Zero Pass or Fail

There is no scoring, evaluation, or grading. The simulation utilizes short, realistic DV scenarios built solely for awareness and empowerment.

Active Facilitation Protocol

Running the Simulation

What to do—and what strictly to avoid—while participants navigate the digital experience.

During the Experience

  • Stay present: Remain accessible and grounded in the room.
  • Observe distress: Watch for signs of physiological overwhelm or heavy breathing.
  • Offer breaks: Proactively suggest pausing if tension rises.
  • Avoid interpreting scenarios: Let participants derive their own insights.
  • Avoid telling participants what they "should" feel: Honor emotional sovereignty.

Do Not Do This

  • Push for disclosure: Never demand personal trauma details.
  • Compare experiences: Refrain from saying "I know how you feel" or comparing stories.
  • Minimize reactions: Never dismiss emotional responses as overreactions.
  • Use clinical jargon: Keep language human, accessible, and grounded.
  • Make assumptions: Do not assume why a participant chose a specific path.
Transition & Stabilization

After the Simulation

Immediate grounding steps required before transitioning into group reflection.

Breathing

Guided slow diaphragmatic breaths.

Stretching

Gentle movement to release physical tension.

Silence

Intentional quiet to process internally.

Objects

Using tactile grounding items.

Affirmations

Re-centering in present safety.

Transitioning smoothly into structured group reflection
Debriefing Module

Facilitating Reflection

Use these core questions to guide participant processing. Ensure every response is met with validation rather than critique.

Core Reflection Questions

“What stood out to you?”

“What tactic felt familiar?”

“What emotions came up?”

“What helps you feel safe?”

“What does empowerment mean to you today?”

Group Facilitation Tips

  • 01
    Allow silence Do not rush to fill quiet moments; participants need time to formulate thoughts.
  • 02
    Validate emotions Acknowledge the weight of what surfaced without trying to fix or minimize it.
  • 03
    Encourage autonomy Remind participants they dictate how much or how little they share.
  • 04
    Avoid leading questions Keep prompts open-ended rather than steering participants toward a desired answer.
Language Shift

Trauma‑Informed Communication

Examples of supportive phrasing designed to eliminate judgment and foster empowerment.

Instead of:

“Why did you choose that option.”

Use:

“What made that option feel right for you?”

EMPOWERMENT SHIFT 01
Instead of:

“That wasn’t healthy.”

Use:

“What do you think that choice brought up for you?”

EMPOWERMENT SHIFT 02
Instead of:

“You should…”

Use:

“One possibility could be…”

EMPOWERMENT SHIFT 03
Crisis & Stabilization Protocol

Managing Emotional Responses

Tactical facilitator guidance for managing overwhelm and dissociation safely in real-time.

Overwhelm Protocol

  • Offer breaks: Immediately provide space to step away from the group.
  • Encourage grounding: Guide them back to physical anchors in the room.
  • Validate feelings: Assure them their reaction is completely normal.
  • Remind them they are safe: Re-orient to the current physical time and place.

Dissociation Protocol

  • Speak softly: Maintain a calm, even, low-tone vocal cadence.
  • Encourage sensory grounding: Ask them to notice textures, colors, or sounds.
  • Avoid touch: Never physically touch a participant experiencing dissociation without explicit permission.
  • Offer water: Provide a cool glass of water to anchor physical sensation.
Session Conclusion

Closing the Session

“Thank you for participating. Your awareness, your voice, and your healing matter. You deserve safety, compassion, and support.”

Encourage journaling, rest, self-care, and speaking with an advocate if needed as participants transition back to their daily lives.

Agency Enhancement

Optional Add‑Ons for Agencies

For agencies that purchased the Daily Homework & Reflection Add‑On, utilize these tools to extend processing and track programmatic engagement securely.

Daily Reflection Sheets

Structured prompts for individual post-simulation processing.

Encourage Journaling

Promote ongoing internal documentation and self-discovery.

Use Prompts in Groups

Incorporate reflection questions into follow-up support circles.

Track Engagement

Monitor participation metrics ethically across agency cohorts.

Professional Standards

Facilitator Ethics

Uncompromising ethical pillars governing every VICARIOUS™ facilitation session.

Confidentiality

Protect participant disclosures and data with absolute agency discretion.

ETHIC 01

Cultural Respect

Honor diverse cultural backgrounds and systemic barriers without bias.

ETHIC 02

No Victim-Blaming

Reject any language or framing that questions survivor decisions.

ETHIC 03

Prioritize Safety

Place participant emotional and physical well-being above curriculum pace.

ETHIC 04

Professional Referrals

Know your limits and connect participants directly to clinical care when needed.

ETHIC 05
VICARIOUS™ Domestic Violence Behind Closed Doors
// Created by Toy Burks. All rights reserved. Professional Facilitator Edition.